I am not afraid of many things in life, probably because I’ve survived so many, relatively speaking, horrible incidents. But recently, something frightening has been happening. I have lost my voice – twice – within a short period of time. I know for many this is a seemingly insignificant event and probably low on a top ten list of things to worry about as compared to, oh, I don’t know, Afghanistan, hydrofracking, or the latest Washington scandal (I really wanted to believe Rep. Weiner).
But when your doctor, a renowned diagnostician who has treated many an opera singer, cantor and Broadway vocalist in her day, uses words like “scope”, “polyp” and “surgery”, if you’re me, anyway, you go from feeling a plucky Pollyanna to a jaded Joe Gideon in All That Jazz, steadily sliding from denial to fear to anger.
We all have reactions to the “what if’s” in our life. Imagine being a writer and being told you have a problem with your hands that could prevent you from typing. Envision the life of a painter who is told she is losing her eyesight. And so I too persevered through a long list of “what if’s” this week, mentally and emotionally preparing for an appointment that would allay my fears or confirm my worst nightmare.
What if the way I have defined my entire career and existence, professionally and personally, would need to be altered? Would I ever finish and release my CD, be able to offer another D.I.V.A. program or officiate at weddings, life cycle celebrations and past life regression sessions?
And let’s not overlook the obvious. I am a single mother supporting two kids on solely independent contractor income. If I cannot use my strongest, best and most active part of what make me ME, then what would I do to survive and take care of my kids?
In life we look for constants to feel secure, and the one that I have is my voice. I have sung, cried, spoken, taught, meditated, led, laughed and lived and in the end how I share all of this, heal myself and those around me is by using my voice.
Notwithstanding these real concerns, I think I was missing the point. Am I going to allow my tweakiness to keep me spinning instead of grounding? Tsk-tsk. You’d think by now I would know how to prevent myself from feeling so out of control. Maybe this was, once again, the Universe, asking me to walk my walk, test my resolve and deepen my sense of knowing who I really am.
It’s not the physical form of expression that defines me. What lends beauty to my soul’s song isn’t the pitch or timbre. It’s my spirit. It’s the message, teaching, sharing and most of all, the love, that makes the impact. And this is the same truth for each and every one of us, no matter what we do or how we do it.
We are all capable of being, as my friend Ariane coined it, change experts! If somehow I ever lost the ability to express myself through one medium, I would appropriately mourn the passage from one way of being and move on to cultivate another. I would do what I always do, rise to the occasion, take a deep breath and ultimately, find another way to share my voice.
Because this much I know. No matter what, I will never give up, and never be silenced.
BIO: By day Shira Adler is a cantor, spiritual vocalist, certified pastlife regressionist, voice-over artist, producer, performer, writer/blogger and mompreneur and by night… well, she is actually the same person at night though she does admit to wearing fuzzy socks when no one can see her and hiding a secret stash of Mallomars somewhere near her writing desk for those late night pick-me-ups. In, around, and between her various work activities, she is raising two beyond-the-spectrum children as a single mom (though lovingly gives a shout out to her best friend, editor and soulmate whom she considers the bees knees). Is it any wonder her website’s tag line is One Voice Many Paths? Seriously, look up the definition of a multi-tasking Mama and you will find her picture there. But when it comes to living a life of connection, faith and consciousness Shira is the gal to call — or if you’re fresh out of Mallomars — she’s always happy to give you one. For more information visit: ShiraAdler.com, read her blog at Diva-Mama.com; Social: Twitter (1DivaMama), Facebook (DivaMama1), Tumblr (not really sure, but the name is cute) and LinkedIn (because doesn’t everyone?).
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Photo credit: Microphone by muslimgalerie Bouh