Motherhood, for me, is:
A constant contradiction of wanting to be with my children so much that I do not want to leave them to work, and being so bored from playing cars that I desperately want to be in an office full of adults.
The moment of seeing my children, after hours (or days) of not being present, as I went through the motions of meeting only their basic needs.
A flash of regret after reaching frustrations point of no return, credited to too many hours spent with only my whining, demanding children.
Bloodshot eyes from a night void of sleep, and still necessarily ensuring basic health and safety for two people incapable of doing so themselves.
An endorphin rush from an unexpected gesture of affection from one of my loves, that removes the choice from my mouth of which way to turn.
Wonderment as I climb into bed, that I have nothing tangible to represent another day completed.
Mental longing to be doing something other than spending time with people under the age of four, and a physical pull that keeps me in the same space with my children.
The feeling of pure joy, and child like giddiness, that always surprises me when I watch my two children laughing together and enjoying each other.
Spending my morning giving my two young children baths, mindlessly, as I enviously think of those accomplishing tangible goals at the very same moment. Like providing a report to their boss, or the sale of a newly designed cake.
Understanding that this is my choice, and that I continue to choose it daily.
Desperately trying to remember this while I wipe another snotty nose.
The overwhelming contradiction of dejection and joy, with no resources readily available to process, make sense of, or combat it. And knowing that even if I could find them, I would have no time to utilize them.
Motherhood, for me is, by design, two tiny people who are the priority in my life. And the acceptance that really, I believe this is for better not worse.
BIO: Jennifer Andersen is excited to be involved with a project likeMamaBlogger365. (Would you like to join us as a writer too? Read the guidelines and send your perspective(s) to MamazinaMagazine@gmail.com) M.O.M that will bring some visibility to the realities that mothers face. Then we may be able to start to define it, making it demanding of respect and awe. Jennifer lives outside of Boston, with her two children ages 1 and 3. You can find more of her musings and suggestions for making life easier at www.ponderingjane.com, Honest Musing on Family Living. www.jenniferandersen.com voice over artist.