I have found myself in many situations trying to control everything around me. My husbands well-being, are the kids happy in school, how they feel if someone hurts their feelings and what will the outcome be of projects that I am working on. I am starting to realize that being so attached to the outcome of an experience only holds me back from being present and living passionately doing the things I love and experiencing what I need to feel.
As a women, I do try to control what happens, what’s happening and how everyone feels. But, until recently, I never considered myself a control freak. I had a clear definition of what a control freak would be and I don’t do any of these things.
- pick out my kids clothes
- not giving them choices
- controlling what they eat
- strict bed time rules- even on the weekend
- not being flexible
- wanting to do everything.
I am pretty easy-going. My controlling and attachment comes from trying to cover every wound that my family may go through. Trying to make the world ‘beautiful’ for my family in every-way. I am not saying that this is a horrible thing to do- but what I am learning is that I can’t control their experiences. They will fall, feelings may be hurt and they may feel rejected out there in the real
world and it’s okay. I can’t attach myself to the outcome of how my children feel or how our lives will turn-out. They will have their own dreams and journeys as I have mine. What I can do is give them the tools to deal with life situations and live one day at a time creating love, joy and stability for them. I can control my personal journey by going for my dreams and detaching myself from the outcome of what life may bring.
Last week I found myself talking to 3 different moms about not being attached to the outcome. What does this consist of? TRUST, that’s a big word.
To trust from the bottom of my heart that we are doing the right thing, doing the best we can, for ourselves and our family. Trusting that alone, even if things don’t work-out, even if our feelings may end up crushed. I am learning how to trust my in-stints, go with the moment and not be attached to the outcome.
There is something so beautiful about being a women, being a mom- we cuddle our cubs till death do us part. At times we give away our power of motherhood not trusting our instincts. Attachments to the outcome of our lives only set us back.
I am learning this lesson one day at a time. Trusting my motherhood self, putting all my passions out into the universe and letting it go!
So I guess ‘reframing’ motherhood is about living comfortably, without too many attachments and seeking the community support I need to do that, while sharing my fears of failing with others. Perhaps that’s enough for now.
Bio: Marta Calero is a blogger and contributor for Mamazina Magazine. Also contributing Creative Director, Hispanic Editor, es una escritora, cantante y compositora, que usa su talento , celebrando la riqueza del idioma español y la cultura hispana en general. Madre de dos niños, se dedica con esmero a la tarea del aprendisaje de los pequeños a través de las artes. Y a la vez, servir de inspiración a las madres, para que sigan en pos de sus sueños. Para más información de Marta’s spanish for tots, ir a: www.alfabeticos.com. E-Mail: firstname.lastname@example.org